Welcome the year oh-ten.

Erin and I made our annual trip to Fidel's on Friday, to bitch about things and set goals for the next 52 weeks or so, this time over a liter of margaritas as well as the usual appetizer plate. I've noticed patterns in our lists over the last couple years, and most of the things we strive for have to do with broadening our respective senses of responsibility (pay bills on time, take five min/day to tidy up), or believing we're worth spoiling (pamper ourselves more, go on dates with our boyfriends). Mine usually include writing in some form, this time I made specific mention of the TJ book blog; hers usually include learning to filter the things that come out of her mouth ("It's not cute anymore," she said by way of explanation). Every year has included a gratitude journal, although we didn't used to know there was a technical term for what we wanted to do: write in a day planner every night before bed, one memorable thing that happened that day - a compliment, a joke, a moment of joy. It's a treat, on New Year's Day, to read back through the past year in these happy little glimpses, and realize that our lives don't suck as much as we can sometimes perceive.

For me, 2009 was a year of healing, growth, and rebuilding. No new traumas manifested themselves in my life, at least not ones that affected me directly. And after a huge wedding and quick divorce in 07, and an unplanned pregnancy and drawn-out miscarriage in 08, I needed a year that was sort of neutral. That being said, either 09's resolutions were unofficially drawn up late in the year, or this year's resolutions took effect a few months early: I've been working on my attitude, my work ethic, my ability to forgive, and I couldn't help but thinking, as Erin and I were writing out the requisite goals, how pleased with myself I really have been since mid-summer or so. The revolutions, as we call one subset of our list, didn't seem as violent this year as they have in the past, and the revelations (that'd be the pamper ourselves category) felt deliciously obtainable. Or even obtained.

Some things I would like to work on are getting back into some sort of exercise routine/being more aware of what I'm eating - former healthy habits discarded in the face of all that trauma, and working on my relationship - but I'll need to get Doug on board with that one, and I can't for the life of me think of a way to suggest we read relationship books together without him inferring that something is wrong. All in all, though, I don't feel like the new year is so much a fresh start as a continuation of an upward trend. And that in itself is more refreshing and hopeful to me than the past few years' demands for a do-over.